How to Say No Without Feeling Like a Jerk: Learning to Trust Yourself, Set Boundaries, and Let Other People Be Disappointed
Saying no can be surprisingly difficult, especially when you’ve learned to equate being kind with keeping other people happy. You may know what you want to say, but then the guilt kicks in, you start explaining yourself, or you worry that someone will think you’re selfish, difficult, or just a jerk.
In this episode, Sandy shares a text exchange with a friend and uses it to explore how to say no without feeling guilty or like a jerk. She offers three simple scripts for setting boundaries, looks at where the "jerk" feeling comes from, and shows how the Enneagram can shape what makes saying "no" feel easy or hard.
In this episode:
- Why the other person's reaction can't measure the quality of a boundary
- Three simple ways to say no: the counteroffer, the pause, and the short, kind no
- Where the "jerk" feeling comes from, and a body check to find out what your yes and your no are telling you
- How Enneagram Types 2, 9, 6, 7, 8, and 5 tend to experience saying no, including why a strong boundary isn't always a healthy one
- A simple filter image for deciding what you let in and what you keep out
With strong boundaries, others can be disappointed *and* you can still be a good person. The more you practice, the more you learn to trust your own voice.
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Learn more about working with me:
https://www.swansoncoaching.com/work-with-me
Beyond the Type episode on Nonviolent Communication:
https://www.swansoncoaching.com/podcasts/beyond-the-type-an-enneagram-inspired-podcast-about-being-human/episodes/2149112636
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