What is coaching -
and is it right for you?

What Is Coaching? 

I've found that most people don't come to coaching because they need more information. If information alone changed lives, we'd all be perfectly healthy, perfectly organized, and have read and followed through on all of the action items found in the pages of those self-help books stacked on our nightstand!

People come to coaching because they know something needs to be different, but they can't quite figure out what that something is.

As your coach, I'm here to help you figure out what needs to be different by creating space:  Space to allow you to slow down long enough to understand what's really happening underneath the surface, and space to hear your own thoughts more clearly.

And once we *really* listen to those thoughts and unpack them, we find beliefs and patterns that have us running on autopilot.

A big part of coaching is exploring those beliefs and patterns and helping you create new ones, as well as supporting you in making choices that feel more aligned with who you are and how you want to live.

We do all of this by having a safe, focused conversation where you can explore what's going on without judgment or interruption.

Together, we untangle what's keeping you stuck, clear away the fog, shine a light on things, and explore what becomes possible after you can see a little more clearly.

What actually happens during a coaching session?

Every session begins with a simple question: What would you like to be coached on today?

Sometimes clients arrive knowing exactly what they want to explore. Other times, they say, "I don't even know where to start". To which I say:  Not a problem.

Some of the most meaningful coaching begins in those moments of uncertainty. That's why I'm here - to help tease apart the uncertainty.

I do that by asking questions, reflecting what I'm hearing, and noticing "blind spots" that might be hard to see from the inside.

Sometimes I'll gently challenge an assumption or invite you to consider a different perspective.

Sometimes I'll invite you to see what's going on in your body (the body is very wise and often overlooked!).

Sometimes we'll simply sit for a moment with something that has never been spoken out loud before.

Some sessions will have a clear roadmap; others will be brainstorming sessions or exploration sessions.  We determine what works best at the top of a session, then have a conversation.

I don't follow a checklist (although there are coaching competencies created by the International Coaching Federation and the National Board for Health and Wellness Coaches that I use as guidelines and "best practices" for every session), and there's no secret coaching script hidden in my desk drawer.

Every conversation unfolds differently because every person is different.  A big part of my job is to stay present to that unfolding and to make sure you are receiving something of value from each session.

Your role is to bring your curiosity, your honesty, and whatever feels most important that day.

Will you tell me what to do?

Nope, I don't tell you what to do. Between podcasts, books, Google, social media, your neighbor, and your Aunt Linda, you probably already have more tips, tools, and opinions than you know what to do with!

Information and strategies usually aren't the missing pieces. 

Instead of telling you what to do, I help you discover what you already know - which can get buried under fear, self-doubt, old patterns, or everyone else's opinions about what you should do.

Once we clear all of that away, things usually begin to shift.

And they shift not because I gave you an answer, but because you discovered something true for yourself.

What if I don't make progress every week?

Progress in coaching isn't always linear, and most challenges aren't solved in one session.  Some weeks, sure, you may leave with a major breakthrough that changes the way you see yourself.

In other sessions, you'll leave with a very tangible action step or some good questions to sit with until our next session.

All are valuable.

This leads me to a major spoiler alert: a lot of the work happens between sessions.

Insight has a funny way of continuing to work long after we sign off, and it can show up at funny times - like when you're walking the dog, taking a shower, or trying to fall asleep (sorry in advance about that last one!).

Our brains also do a lot of work when we aren't actively thinking or processing - like when we're playing a game, enjoying a hobby, or sleeping.

I always invite my clients to be gentle with themselves; our brains sometimes figure stuff out when we least expect it.

How is coaching different from therapy?

I get this question a lot, and I personally love a good therapy session (shout out to my therapist Deb!).

While coaching and therapy share a lot of common ground, I see two main differences between the two.

One, therapy may help people address mental health concerns (like anxiety or depression) or work through traumas.  I call this "looking backward on the timeline of your life".

Coaching is more present and future-focused, helping you move forward from where you are today.  Sure, the past may come up now and then, and that's perfectly fine; we can learn a lot from our past.

However, we don't stay in the past. Coaches consider the past to understand how it's influencing your life right now.  And then we help you consider how you'd like your future to be different.

Therapists might, of course, help you move forward too - as I said, there's a lot of common ground.  Which leads me to the second difference:

Coaching has a framework.  There's a beginning, middle, and end to each session. There's also a little more back-and-forth in most coaching sessions; it's basically a conversation with loose structure.

The questions I ask may be different than questions therapists ask, too. For example, instead of a stereotypical therapy question like "How did that make you feel?" I might ask, "What did you learn about yourself from that experience?"

You're not just talking through things to process them as you often would in talk therapy.

(I'm aware that there are many different types of therapy and counseling, so I'm being very intentional with my language here, using words like "may," "might," and "often" when it comes to how therapy works.

There are also different kinds of coaching; I am speaking mainly about the style of coaching created by the International Coaching Federation, or ICF, and upheld by the core competencies of this governing body. These competencies are considered "the gold standard" of professional coaching.)

I will say that coaching and therapy go beautifully together - I have many clients who see me as well as a therapist.  One piece of advice (I know I said I don't give advice, but here I am):  Both coaching and therapy can be hard work, and I invite you to consider this when scheduling. A therapy session and a coaching session in one day might be too much; even two sessions in one week may be a lot depending on what you're working on.

All of that said, if I ever sense that what you're experiencing would be better supported by a licensed mental health professional, I'll tell you. Knowing when coaching is the right fit and when it isn't is an important part of ethical coaching.

How is coaching different from talking with a friend?

A good friend is one of life's greatest gifts; friends want the best for us and can offer support through their own experiences. They might listen to our stories, reassure us, share advice, or tell us what worked for them (usually because they truly want to help).

Coaching serves a different purpose.

As your coach, I’m not here to give you my opinion or tell you what I would do in your situation. I’m here to help you slow down, maybe to help you stop telling the story you keep telling yourself, and to explore what’s really happening.

I will also tell you directly what I'm noticing and sensing, and I will gently challenge you and your experience. Friends are sometimes "too close to home" to be able to do that objectively (although if you have one that can, hold 'em close!  They're a keeper.)

What makes coaching work?

The clients who experience the biggest shifts are the ones who are willing to be curious and open.

Curious about why they react the way they do, curious about the stories they've been telling themselves for years, and curious about the assumptions that have shaped their relationships, careers, and sense of self.

They are also open to exploring new possibilities and different perspectives.

That kind of curiosity and openness takes courage; it also takes patience and a lot of self-observation and self-reflection.

And here's something people don't always expect:

Deep self-reflection can be really hard work - because your brain is literally trying to create new connections as it considers all of those new possibilities.

As a result, getting coached can be quite tiring.

Many of my clients reach what I affectionately call the "stick a fork in me, I'm done" stage, which may come before our official session time is over. This is ok, as I never want to "force" a client into a space that is not in service to them. 

If you've ever spent an hour making a difficult decision and felt completely exhausted afterward, you've most likely experienced something similar.

Insight takes energy. And being curious and open will lead to those insights.

My approach

I describe my coaching as holistic because I don't believe we can separate one part of ourselves from another.

Our thoughts influence our emotions, our emotions affect our bodies, our relationships shape our beliefs, and our experiences become the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.

When one part shifts, everything else begins to move as well.

And speaking of bodies: I often use somatic inquiry in my sessions because we can hold onto a lot physically. Tapping into our body's wisdom can shake loose beliefs and stories - sometimes much better than just talking through something.

The Enneagram is also one of my favorite tools to use with my clients, not because I want to put people into "personality boxes" with a nicely printed label, but because it offers an extraordinary map of the patterns, motivations, and survival strategies that shape the way we move through the world.

Once you can see those patterns, you have more choice about how you respond in the moment.

And that's a beautiful thing.

Bottom line:

Ultimately, coaching isn't about becoming someone different; it's about remembering who you are.

And that's why I love coaching. Every day, I get to watch people reconnect with parts of themselves they never knew they had - or thought they had lost forever.

As I always say, "you don't need to be fixed - you need to be found".

And I love helping people find themselves.

That is what coaching is to me.

Ready to take the next step?

If you've made it all the way to the bottom of this page, we should probably have a conversation! I'd love to learn more about you.

If you're ready, you can start by filling out a short application, linked here:

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