Glancing, Glaring, and Gazing

Glancing, Glaring, and Gazing. What comes up for you when you see those three words?

I was listening to Richard Rohr talk about these three things in the context of how one moves through their day - and their life - and it got me thinking.

What is glancing, glaring, and gazing?

Glancing is always looking ahead for the next thing.  It brings to mind the way most of us operate in this busy and fast-paced world.  Think of work projects or household and family commitments. Always looking to the next thing and the next thing - answering an email, then a text.  Planning the family vacation down to the last second.  Wondering what's for dinner tomorrow night before tonight's meal is finished.  Bouncing from one thing to the next and so on and so forth.

Glaring how we react to others' words, energy, and emotions (social media is a great breeding ground for glaring!). Getting angry or resentful because we are choosing to fixate on whatever is in front of us - spiraling down into unproductive thinking and allowing ourselves to get caught up in things outside of our control.  We can get stuck in this cycle of rumination and unhelpful thoughts - which keep us in the past.

And then there is gazing.

Gazing is being fully present with one thing.  Another person, a pet, nature, your thoughts/emotions, one task or chore.

When I'm petting my cat, there's a sense of being lost in this act of gazing.  I notice things.  How his fur catches the light and shines in the sun.  How his third eyelid appears when he is sleepy or purring, in a gaze state himself.   I notice his fur is a lot softer on his neck than on his back and that there is a tiny red capillary that looks like topstitching around his backlit ears. His purr is gurgly and rumbly and there is a subtle crescendo when I scratch his scruff.

How to implement more gazing into your life

When at work, gazing might look like being "in the zone" or "in the flow".  Your energy is calm, gently focused, and directed at one thing.

Turning off notifications and closing out email and other distracting apps helps immensely here. Using the Pomodoro technique is also an excellent way to help promote "focused gazing".  This technique uses a 25-minute timer so you're not drifting into "gazing fatigue" (yes I just made "gazing fatigue" up).

With others, either at home or at work, turn off the screens.  Look at the other person. Listen to not only their words but notice their energy, their body movements, and their eye movements.  What emotions are coming forward - for them and you?  Do you feel agitated not having a phone to "glance" at?  Do you feel a sense of calm "gazing" at this other human being?  Or does the agitation stir up other feelings and shift you into a "glaring" state..?

What does it look like to truly be with another being, to be fully present with another life?

What does it look like to be truly present with yourself..?

I invite you to exercise nonjudgmental curiosity and be compassionate with yourself for whatever is coming up should you choose to play around with this.

Speaking of choosing, whether you glance, glare, or gaze is a choice.

What are you choosing?