Achieving Goals Does Not Bring Happiness

Achieving goals does not bring happiness
Working towards goals does.

Here's what I mean by this:

Assuming that you'll be happy once you reach your goals doesn't seem that far-fetched.  Sure, there may be that initial rush of "I DID A THING!!!" - but, then what?

I have a client who crashed (not literally, mind you!) after successfully climbing his first 14,000-foot mountain peak.

There was a lot of build-up and anticipation leading up to his Big Day.  He had done a lot of work to get here.

When he reached the summit of that 14er, there was celebration.  He certainly was happy!

The celebration lasted a few days, then the crash came.

What to do now? 

One might say, "Well, just set another goal!" but that doesn't solve the problem of chasing happiness.  There will most likely be another crash after achieving that goal.  And so on and so on etc etc etc.

Two Things to Help Avoid the "Crash" after Achieving a Goal

Here are a couple of tips to help avoid that crash:

One, focus on the steps you are taking every day.  Don't save the celebration for the final step!  Acknowledge those small wins along the way.  Doing so brings happiness and will keep you feeling motivated to continue moving forward. 

Two, learn how to be fully present and in the moment.  Happiness isn't a destination, it's a way of being.  What does it look like to be present in each step you are taking?  For each step to bring you joy? 

My clients know that I am not a "pushy" coach.  I allow a lot of space in my sessions and invite clients to slow down and consider the present moment while working toward their long-term goals.

One of my favorite coaching questions is "What becomes possible for you if you achieve this goal?"

Another favorite is "What becomes possible for you if you do not achieve this goal?"

This last question, while initially seeming like a Debbie Downer of an inquiry, allows clients to consider that perhaps happiness is not on the other side of that goal - that maybe happiness is right here, right now, and always has been.

Achieving Goals does not bring happiness - but working towards goals does.

It's not the act of finishing something that makes us who we are - it's the process.   As cheesy as it sounds, it really is about the journey, not the destination.