Are you an Introvert?
Jun 01, 2024
Have you ever been at a party or event and felt uncomfortable because you don’t do well in large groups?
It's not just an introvert/extrovert thing.
Let me explain:
Each of us moves through the world with three basic biological drives:
- To take care of the self - think food, finances, energy, safety, etc.
- To bond with one other person - to have intimate relationships to “procreate the species” or to share ideas and have deep conversations with another human.
- To come together as a group - to have a strong community, to work together toward a greater purpose.
Here’s the kicker:
Each of us has a preference for ONE of the above drives, and we are usually not aware of this preference.
A client who was planning a trip with an intimate group of 4 people felt overwhelmed when the group ballooned into a group of 20.
They were worried that others would see them as arrogant or standoffish when they didn’t want to do "all the things" every day with all 20 people.
I offered the above thoughts on the three biological drives, and my client immediately relaxed, seeing themself as someone who prefers “bonding with one other person” over being in a group.
They now knew they weren't “crazy” for feeling overwhelmed, and that they weren't alone.
Also: Knowing that there were probably a few others in that group of 20 who felt the same way did wonders for my client’s state of being!
The questions my client took forward from our session:
What does it look like to honor my preference to bond closely with one other person, not a whole group?
What does it look like to challenge myself to step out of my comfort zone and engage differently in large groups - while still being authentic to myself...?
What questions would you ask yourself regarding your preferred drive...?
Sandy Swanson is a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC), a Professional Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation (PCC), and an ADAPT Certified Functional Health Coach (A-CFHC). Click the button below to learn more about the services she offers.
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