Our "Default Patterns" and Stress

I'm thinking about patterns today.

No, not sewing patterns - although that makes an excellent metaphor, and for those of you who have worked with me, I do love a good metaphor in my coaching sessions!

Think about your own patterns - your behaviors and habits. We all have patterns that we repeat over and over again. These patterns can be good - or bad.

Here’s the thing:  When we find ourselves stressed out, those patterns and habits kick in.

If you have unhealthy, self-defeating patterns, guess what?  Those are going to run your life when the sh*t hits the fan.

It's like putting on clothes that your mom made when you were a kid. Those clothes served a purpose once.  And many of us still like the safety and comfort their memory provides.

(My mom was and still is an expert seamstress - she made herself, me, and my sister soooo many outfits, some from the patterns in the image above.  Cleaning out the house where they lived for 50+ years has unearthed some fabulous finds!)

When the sh*t hits the fan, you want to feel as comfortable as possible to deal with whatever challenges are arising. You want clothes that you can move easily in - not ones that constrict you.

The first step is to become aware of any patterns, habits and behaviors that you have - many of which may be tucked safely away in the unconscious part of your mind, like boxes that you haven't seen in decades that are hiding in a closet at your parent's house.

Gaining awareness can be done on your own (through meditation, journaling, etc), but is a lot easier with a coach, therapist, spiritual advisor, or some other external support.  We can help you pull out those boxes of patterns and be by your side as you sift through them slowly and methodically.

Most people want to stuff those patterns back in the box and just throw them in the trash, however, acknowledging and holding compassion for current behaviors and habits is important before releasing them.

Otherwise, you'll just keep finding the same box over and over and over again.

As a coach, I invite my clients to take a good long look at patterns before sending them off to recycling heaven.

Taking this good long look is usually HUGELY UNCOMFORTABLE (for my clients, not me lol).

And this place of discomfort is where change happens.

Are you ready to be uncomfortable?  Why or why not?  What is safe and good about where you are currently?

And:  What do you notice about your current habits and patterns?

I invite you to be curious and to be gentle with yourself.

Spoiler alert:  sometimes it takes someone we love to point these out to us… think about a recent argument or interaction with someone else where you felt angry, resentful, closed-off, hurt, unappreciated, sad, etc.

What was unsaid or unfelt or unexpressed on your part, if anything, during that interaction?

This nonjudgmental curiosity of the self is what helps create awareness.

And once we have awareness, we have the ability to make different choices and create new patterns - which are especially helpful in those times of stress.

That all said, if, after working on these unconscious patterns, you choose to continue to wear that frock from the 70's, that is a conscious, empowered decision.  When this happens, wear it with pride! Know that you are in charge, not some old box in a closet that you didn't even know exists.

If you are looking to create awareness and change your default patterns,  I’d love to be of support. fill out this form and I will be in touch.