Getting Unstuck #3: What is your motivation?

In the coming days and weeks, I’ll be sharing some tips and tricks to help you get unstuck - no matter the circumstances of your stuck-ness.

This is the third in a series - if you missed the previous posts, click here.

Here's the third tip:

Check your motivation.

Something that coaches are trained to do is to look for their client's motivation:  Is it internal or external?

External motivation might look like:

• choosing something because our parents or partners want us to (we want to please them)
• doing something because everyone else is doing it (think fads and trends)
• making a decision based on our environment (your apartment/house, the weather/climate)
• choosing something because of the cultural/political landscape (peer pressure, anyone?)

Internal motivation might look like:

• choosing something because we want to
• doing something that goes against the norm
• making a decision based on what is in your gut (see my last post on this) or your heart (stay tuned for more on this)
• choosing something regardless of the cultural/political landscape.

Here's the key thing to remember:

Internal motivation will always be stronger than external motivation when it comes to getting unstuck.

Check out the image of my hair above. What do you think of the color?

(spoiler alert:  to hear what I think about what you think of my hair, keep reading)

I decided to stop coloring my hair over a year ago to let my grays and silvers grow out. 

This decision just happened.  It made sense to allow my natural hair to compliment the changes showing elsewhere on my face and body.

I didn't think much of this decision until I joined a few Facebook groups for others who are making the transition to gray/silver/white hair.

There is SO much angst, confusion, sadness, and frustration in those groups regarding gray hair! Not judging here, just noticing.

Another thing I noticed is that there is a lot of external motivation going on in those groups.  Coincidence?  I don't think so.

Some people get confused and upset when someone says something about "letting themselves go", that "you are really going to stop coloring?", or "you look so much older" ...as if that's a bad thing, but, that's a topic for another post.

Others get frustrated because they work in the corporate world and feel they would never be able to "climb the ladder" if they showed up with gray hair.  A sad state for our society, but again, a topic for another time.

I remember when I was in my early 40s and I went to visit my parents.  I had some gray roots showing as I hadn't colored my hair in a few weeks.  My dad said, "wow you have a lot of gray hair don't you?"

It was also "just noticing", I suppose, but I cringed. I was so worried about what other people thought of me.

I remember going home and immediately coloring my hair.

Here's the thing:  There's a lot of external motivation going on in these scenarios.  Friends, family, culture... all influencing how we make choices.

I think about my hair now and the choice I made to stop coloring, and it was like something clicked.  There was no hemming and hawing, I just chose to move forward. 

In my 40's I was not in a place to listen to my own thoughts and feelings.  I was externally motivated.

But when I got curious about why I think the thoughts I do and why I behave the way I do... well, my internal motivation shot through the roof.

I'm not just talking about hair here.  I'm talking about every single decision I make (shout out to my mentor coaches and other coaches who I've worked with these past several years who have helped me untangle those thoughts and behaviors!).

I now easily catch myself when I feel that external forces are swaying me.  Ignoring those forces is the tricky part, but, taking a moment to remember who I am and my purpose and passion for being here on this planet - this is what gets me back on the path of possibility (that's a lot of p's!).

When it comes to challenges and being stuck, where do you see yourself being externally motivated?  Reminder that this is a no-judgement zone!

Just becoming aware of what is motivating you can be a catalyst for becoming unstuck.

As for me, I love the "calico" nature of my hair right now.

And I could not give a flying f*** what others think.