Ask Yourself This Question Before Speaking
Apr 23, 2026
Think about a time when you were talking with someone, and you could just FEEL that they weren’t really listening.
Maybe their eyes glazed over. Maybe they jumped in with advice before you even finished your sentence. Maybe they said “yeah, yeah, I know exactly what you mean” and then immediately started talking about themselves.
What was your response to that?
Did you feel yourself get tense or rigid? Did your defenses go up? Did you start repeating and rephrasing everything you just said because, really, you just wanted to be heard?
Or did you shut down completely, thinking “ugh, I’ll never share anything with this person again”?
Now, think about the last time you DID feel truly listened to. Not just tolerated while someone waited for their turn to talk. But when you felt HEARD.
What was your response to being heard?
Maybe your shoulders went down. You spoke more slowly. Your thoughts stopped racing. Maybe you said more than you planned to.
Maybe you felt more connected to the other person, and less alone with whatever you were carrying.
I’ve noticed both sides in my coaching conversations and client sessions.
When I was a brand-new coach many moons ago, I thought I had the answers, so I offered a lot to my clients (even if they didn’t ask).
And I could see them getting tense and pulling back and closing down. Which is not good for the coaching relationship!
But I have learned to listen.
I now see that other shift in my clients. They relax, they speak more slowly.
And they open up. I cannot tell you how many times a brand new client has said to me in that first session, “Wow, I did not think I was going to share all of this today!”.
And that, my friends, is the power of the skill of listening.
I believe that listening is the most important part of good communication.
As with any skill, listening can be practiced, strengthened, and improved.
With that in mind, I want to share an acronym that one of my mentor coaches shared with me.
It’s the word WAIT.
Which stands for: Why Am I Talking?
The question “why am I talking” right now isn’t meant to make you feel bad about yourself for interrupting or trying to solve the other person’s problem - sometimes you will have something relevant or helpful to add. And that’s ok!
But sometimes, the answer to WAIT reveals something a little deeper about yourself.
In my next newsletter, I’ll be diving deep into the reasons we talk (when we should be listening instead). Until then, I invite you to ask yourself this question when you feel the urge to speak during a conversation:
Why Am I Talking...?
Stay curious, my friend.
Sandy Swanson is a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC), a Professional Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation (PCC), and an ADAPT Certified Functional Health Coach (A-CFHC). Click the button below to learn more about the services she offers.
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