The Withdrawing Stance of the Enneagram

It can be hard to land on which Enneagram type you lead with.  Thirty years ago, I typed myself as a 4, and a few years ago, I thought I led with 5.  Now type 9 is also in the mix!

4,5, and 9 have something in common.  They are all in the withdrawing stance.

What are stances?

The Enneagram can be divided into myriad groups of 3.  One grouping is called stance, and stance is how we move through the world to get what we want from others and from life. 

In my coaching, I can usually tell where a client lands in terms of their stance, even if I may not know their exact Enneagram type.  This helps me shift my energy to match them in our sessions.

The three stances are:

1. Withdrawing (moving away from others)
2. Dependent or Responsive (moving toward others)
3. Assertive (moving against others)

In the coming emails, I'll be giving an overview of each of the three stances. Let's start with the withdrawing stance.

The Withdrawing Stance

The withdrawing stance includes types 4,5, and 9 (the magenta triangle in the above image). These types may be highly self-aware, so don't necessarily need to "name" what is wrong.  They already know!

They tend to move away, or withdraw, from others (or a situation).  Sometimes they literally, physically move away, sometimes they stay but get real quiet, or sometimes they occupy themselves with numbing tasks.

They withdraw for different reasons:

Type 4 moves away from what might be missing and withdraws into their feelings.

Type 5 moves away from feeling incompetent and withdraws into their minds.

Type 9 moves away from conflict and withdraws into their environment.

These types may find it challenging to take action and can get lost in their inner worlds.  When they do take action, it's for different reasons:

Type 4 will take action when it feels right ("This aligns with who I am authentically, so I'm ok moving forward.")

Type 5 will take action when they have enough information. ("I have researched enough and feel comfortable doing this task.") <--- This is a real challenge for me personally. I always think, "I'll just take one more course" or "I'll just read one more book" before taking meaningful or massive action.  The struggle is real!)

Type 9 will take action to keep the peace. ("I won't ruffle any feathers if I do this, so it's ok.")

 
The work for these types is to move ahead regardless of how they feel, whether or not they have "all the information", or if they might ruffle some feathers along the way.

Know someone who leads with this energy?  The key is to be patient and listen deeply to them, and refrain from interrupting their process (which may seem slow depending on your stance). Not being heard can cause these types to feel unseen and misunderstood, which will only lead to more withdrawal.

Read about the Independent Stance here and the Responsive Stance here.

PS - If you are looking to find your Type, I invite you to schedule a Typing Interview with me!  Learn more here.